Personal Essay Coping with loss

            Loss we all go through this emotion in life. It’s a part of life and we learn and grow from it every day. It’s that strong hurt or painful feeling in your chest. That ping in your stomach that just won’t go away. Coping with a huge loss in your life is one of most difficult things you can do. We have all experience this feeling in one way or another. I recently felt these tumbling emotions not too long ago in October. When I lost my dog my friend of fourteen years Blacky of old age.

            I remember the first day I got Blacky he was so small and cute. He had a long black coat that looked like you are staring into the darkest of nights. His coat was soft to the touch like cotton or silk. Blacky’s eyes were so warm and friendly inviting you to pet him. He came up to me and tried to jump on me. But he fell off of me he was always a silly dog. He was the one I wanted out of that litter of puppies something about him made him stand out to me. It was a weird feeling but a good kind of weird. That moment in time when I got my first puppy changed my childhood forever and has taught me so much. Blacky has taught me so many things in life it is hard to believe a dog could have such a huge impact on one person’s life.

            On a warm summers afternoon I was in the back yard with Blacky. A nice warm summer’s afternoon a cool breeze drifting through the air. Smelling flowers, barbeques in the still summers air, early in the afternoon. The cicada’s in the tree’s making noise me carefree having a good time a boy and his dog. I lay on the pavement Blacky right by my side. He would always lay himself out spreading out all his legs. He was my little black carpet I used to call him. It seems kind of silly to be such close friends with an animal. Animals are so similar to people and have so such personality like us it’s unbelievable. I would always tell Blacky little secrets here and there about myself. How I used to say I don’t know what life is all about and what’s to come of my life. I was and scared what the future may hold for me and I go on being a silly ten year old boy. Talking to a dog but you know something as weird as it may sound. Blacky understood where I was coming from and how I was feeling in this world. That dog had such understanding I thought he was human for the looks he used to give me. He always did have this Brian your crazy look.

            Then as life seems to go on forever in this world death is here to take it away from us. Blacky and me had so many fun adventures. From a simple walk around the block to me washing him and even watching movies together. Blacky was getting really old I’m nineteen and already in college having him for so long was such a great gift. I could tell he was going to leave me soon and I made sure I was by his side as much as I could be. But work and school kept me more busy and away. Then that day came in October which is so ironic because Blacky’s birthday was October fourteen and it was October thirteen. He died before he turned fifteen years old. The day I came home and saw that look on my mom’s face and that look in her eye’s I knew what she was going to say without her saying it. I’ll never forget what my mom said “Brian Blacky is gone now but he walked around a little bit in the backyard and then laid back down fell asleep and never woke up.” I never cried so much before like that in my life. My mom’s words shattered me into so many pieces. It was like glass that is broken and you trying to find and fix all the pieces together.

            I went over to see Blacky and saw him laying there as if he was asleep. All the wonderful memories we shared together in my mind whirling around and around. I think that happened to him to before he left this world. He remembered all the fun times we had together. Blacky getting up and walking around the yard was such a shock to me. Pets don’t care if you’re perfect, rich, or different. They accept and love you for who you are as a person which is one thing Blacky left behind to me. It doesn’t matter who you are people should love you for the way you are no matter what. That is the biggest lesson I learned while I had Blacky in my life up until this point. I think all pet owners feel this strong deep connection with their pets. The one thing people should do more of is not to feel sad and lonely once their pet is gone. Your pet would never want you to feel that way I know Blacky wouldn’t like it if I was sad. Losing an important part of my life my childhood has affected me greatly. I just learn to control those strong deep emotions and hope in time they will heal over my saddened heart.